Dating a perfectionist
This level of perfectionism can cause a phenomenon known as spectatoring, in which a person feels as though they’re watching themselves have sex, and spends the entire time concerned about their performance.“It can create a level of anxiety and stress,” Kerner told the Cut.Meredith is one of the many men and women whose perfectionism negatively affects their sex lives.
When Meredith* first started having sex her freshman year of college, she was insecure and naive, afraid she’d get dumped if each encounter wasn’t absolutely perfect for her partner.
Those standards include a partner’s expectation of how a woman should look, how often they should be having sex, or what positions they should be trying.
Such partner-prescribed perfectionism was found to increase a woman’s anxiety and negative self-esteem, which can affect their ability to enjoy sex.
She prioritized his pleasure over her own every single time, focusing all her energy on giving a memorable performance that would leave him satisfied, and always wanting more.
“Once that started with the first partner I had, I haven’t been able to stop.
A March study from the University of Kent explored the long-term effects that perfectionism can have on a person’s sex life.